Maybe I brought it on myself.
But the search terms for this blog are really…uh, interesting.
Faithful readers (all one of you; thanks, hon) know that Sub-three is about running. It’s just a little strange that’s all – like the time I declared myself the Hunter S. Thompson of running blogs and ran off into the night, screaming about bats, my Samoan attorney and Republicans.
All of that still holds true, incidentally. I’m not retracting any of that.
That’s besides the point.
Er, what was the point?
Oh yeah: search engine terms.
Here’s the thing: yes, I did write about running naked. And, yes, I did put up a post in which I quoted ultramarathoner Ray Zahab talking about the importance of where your penis (his advice was for men, obv) is placed when you run. Okay, and sure, I admit to writing about a penis-shaped medal handed out to marathoners.
And, geez, what’s your point?
This is a respectable running blog, not a tabloid.
What’s that? Well, yes, I did indeed once make a joking – that’s as in joke! – reference to the “tabloid edition” of The Sunday Read.
But I write serious posts here as well: shoes and their people; gear reviews; how I’m the worst trail runner ever; how the blinding heat crushed me until I was a withered, parched husk of a person crawling over the burning hot asphalt, weeping for relief from the scorching sun.
Yeah, you all laughed at me about that. Truth be told, I was a little hurt. But that’s okay. I’ll get it over it. No big deal. Yes, I cried a little into my pillow at night and hugged my stuffed Kara Goucher doll a little closer, but it’s okay.
Actually, I don’t have a stuffed Kara Goucher doll – but wouldn’t it be cool if they actually made those! And Ryan Hall, Meb, and Paula Radcliffe dolls!
I’ll tell ya, those big running stars are all focused on Coke and Nike sponsorships, but really their fans are just waiting for teddy bear-like running dolls of their favorite celebs. It’s a major missed marketing opportunity.
Anyway, that’s beside the point (unless you have some serious venture capital and want to back me in that high-growth business just waiting to happen, in which case DM right away).
The fact is, though, this blog is getting a… certain reputation. And I’m not sure it’s good.
Smutty little bastards with their minds in the gutter are arriving here, not looking for running, or health, or fitness, but naked people!
Oh, you laugh.
Chortle away. While you do so, consider these search engine results in the last 30 days people all across the Interwebs have used to arrive at my innocent, high-minded blog.
* naked people
* naked running
* nude running
* naked people blog
* nude run in public real experience
* free nude barefeet (Okay! Now we’re getting really weird!)
* what’s the hub-bub about a wet t shirt
* where to put your penis when wearing compression shorts
* where do u put ur dick when u run
*ultra dick (I’m really confused about that one: is it Viagra-related? A porn star name? Wishful thinking? Some new ultrarunning thing I’m not yet familiar with – and hope never to be?)
* penis ultra ( Now, I do actually believe this may be a new form of ultra race that hasn’t made it yet into the mainstream. Like, once you conquer Spartan and Glitter races, then you advance to the penis ultra. Please, don’t let me know how that works out for you.)
* running happy (I’d like to think this has nothing to do with nudity or possessing an ultra dick)
* people I may know naked
* naked people you know
* the running dream (Wait! There’s more beyond all the nude people?)
* hello nude people (Hey, how you doin’?)
* hal higdon trail running (Yeah, people really do look for something other than smut here now and again.)
* jiggly nude running
Hmmm…that’s what people think of my blog, apparently. Smut.
I’m just going to go have a good cry with my Kara Goucher doll.